Enlightenment

I've been doing a lot of thinking today. That usually gets me in trouble but I feel confident now. I realized that everything everyone has been saying about me has been true for the most part, much to my dismay. I have been very preoccupied with guys and I think that's because I wasn't 100% over my ex fiance. I couldn't fully let go because I felt like I was in the wrong.

Well, I'm sure as hell able to let go now. He showed his true colors and I know I deserve better than him. I just wish I'd seen it sooner but I have been working on myself so there's not much else I can do. All I know is that I'll never go back to him. He will never, ever have me again even if he does want me which I know he doesn't. I don't want him either. He's a joke and I'm so done being nice to him. He's not worth my time.

Finally moving on

I've been doing a lot of soul searching recently. I've worked through my commitment issues and other problems I had last year and I feel like I have closure with my ex fiance. I know I'm a good person and he would be lucky to have me so if he doesn't want me, then I don't know if he ever really loved me and I'm ok with that. I have closed and locked that door. I deserve better than that and he's missing out so good riddance. I feel content now.

Trust your instincts

I broke up with Michael today. I feel guilty only because I don't feel bad about it. I don't think we were right for each other. It was fun while it lasted but I know that we can find someone more fulfilling in our lives. Moving on!

30 days

My surgery is on May 30th and then I'll be away from Michael for two months. I'm kinda freaking out. I know I need this surgery but I'm so nervous to be gone from him for that long. I don't remember how to do long distance. It's only 8 week. It's only 8 weeks. It's only 8 weeks.

:(

4/25/2012

So much has been going on lately. I have just over a month left til I have surgery so I need to start packing. I'll be moving immediately into the Alpha Chi house in August so I have to pack up all my stuff. Fun stuff, right?!

I've been thinking a lot about my life right now, trying to figure out my goals. I have to focus on my faith, health, fitness, my relationships, school, work, Alpha Chi, and my education. Seems like a lot. I'm doing well in school. I think I can get past this semester with everything above C's. I need to start going back to church as well and praying more. I need God to lead me down the path I'm meant to go on.

I've been thinking about my ex a lot lately too. Yesterday was one year since he proposed and it was a really hard day for me. I was upset the entire day. I'm still with Michael and that makes me feel guilty. I'm not sure I see a future with him and I thought I was over Rich but maybe I'm not completely. That's tough to admit. I think it'd be easier if I could move on from my ex-fiance and just focus on the here and now but he still holds a piece of my heart. Maybe he always will.

I'm also focusing on work. I've been getting way more hours than I usually do. I have to work tomorrow night and then I'm driving down to my parent's house for my appointment. So not looking forward to that.

My co-worker moved into my apartment! Her name's Alyssa and she is so awesome. I love her. She hooked us up with internet and cable again. Woot! That's about it for now. More to come later.

Frustrations from my many health issues

I wish the doctors would just figure out what's wrong with me already. I've been really sensitive lately and I think it's from the stress. I hurt my foot the other day and I don't know how. I think it's the tendon but I've been RICEing it and it's gotten a little better but not much. It still hurts to bend it sometimes.

I'm also still not ovulating and I have to have a copolscopy soon. I'm really stressed about that.

My surgery for my foot and knee are in a month and a half and I'm really scared. I've gonna be on bed rest for 6-8 weeks. I'm nervous I'm gonna lose my job. I'm nervous about being apart from my boyfriend for that long. I'm just scared in general. I just want them to figure out what's wrong with me.

Updates!

It's been a while since I've updated. I need to do that on the regular. First off, I am officially an ALPHA CHI girl. I was initiated last weekend! It was awesome. I love the girls and being in a sorority.

Secondly, me and Michael were having some problems. I took some advice and we took a break but it ended up not working for me so we got back together. We're blissfully happy and I can't wait to see what's in store for us.

Lastly, We have decided that in order to save money and get healthier, I am going to learn how to cook! EEK! I have no idea where to start. I don't know anything about cooking or anything that has to do with it. This should be interesting haha!