Living in the now

I've always been the kind of person who focuses on the past, past regrets, memories, things I could have done better. It's time for a chance. It's hindering me. I can't let go of my ex fiance and it's hurting me so much. I've been able to forgive myself for the most part over how I went about things in that relationship. I still care for him a lot but we will never be. He doesn't want me and that's fine.

What matters is that I have grown. I have changed. He doesn't have to accept it or maybe he has and still doesn't want me. Maybe we're just not meant to be. That's fine. That just means there's someone better out there for me.

I'm going to focus on the one thing I do have the ability to change and that's my weight. I'm going to start working out more, especially now that my doctor gave me the green light to start running. I want to start running everyday or at least every other day. I also want to start eating healthier and eating smaller meals. I want to lose 15-20 lbs. I want to be 105 lbs. I'm 124 right now and I don't feel healthy. I feel beautiful but I don't feel healthy. I want to feel healthy.

This starts.....NOW.

To all my ghosts and gouls!

I'm shouting out a very ecstatic HAPPY OCTOBER 1ST! Halloween is only days away so you better put your thinking caps on and come up with some great costumes. Only 30 days left.

 

Latest update in the life of this college girl.

Hello fellow bloggers and active (or former) readers!

I have been on a hiatus because life has been oh so crazy, as usual. It's started to calm down so I'm back and better than ever. You're looking at a single gal and loving it! My seven month relationship ended in not quite a blazing glory but more like a fizzle. No big story. It just wasn't right so I moved on. Now that that's over with, we can also move on to bigger things.

Alas, I regret to inform you that my cooking endeavors ended with a screeching halt. I still can't make a pancake to save my life nor do I desire to. I'm thinking about hiring a personal chef in the near future. Stay tuned.

Hello to meeting goals though! I finally accomplished my goal of keeping a job for one WHOLE year. I know, I know. "Jessy, it's only one year. How hard can it be?" Well, let me tell you, It is very difficult but I did it. Granted, I took two months off but I have been working at Chipotle for almost 14 months so I count it.

Back to summer drama. Surgery was a pain in my butt. Took two full months to recover and then some. I even did the whole physical therapy fiasco and still waiting on the Doctor's approval to start running again. Waiting and then more waiting. It'll come one of these days.

I am also now living in a Sorority house. Look at me. I would have called you crazy if you told me a few years ago that I'd be living in the Alpha Chi house. I am not usually friends with girls but it's going pretty nicely. There's only been a few bumps in the road but no casualties....yet.

I will be posting more now as times go on. Tomorrow, I have two midterms so keep your fingers crossed for this independent woman. I need all the good lucks I can get.

Becoming the next Iron Chef

I have decided to learn how to cook.

If you know at all, you will know that this is not something I am going to do gracefully.

I don't have a single bone in my body meant for cooking. It's not my thing which is funny since I wanted to be a chef in High School. I know, weird. Don't judge.

I feel you judging. Stop it. OK, moving on....

I may or may not have promised my boyfriend that I would learn how to cook for him. My eyes are rolling in the back of my head. This is how much I love him. I'll do something I absolutely despise to make him happy. Puke.

Today was my first attempt. ok, so this wasn't exactly cooking. It was baking but I didn't know that until the venture was over and done with. Can I roll my eyes again??

I made cinnamon rolls! Insert confetti throwing here.

Here's the proof.

Starting on the road to recovery

Wednesday was the day. The 30th of May at 9:50 am. It was at Stanford Medical with some of the best doctors in the country. They were able to remove the calcium deposits in my foot and they removed a lot of calcium in my knee. The one in my knee was almost two inches long. Recovery is going to be hard. Pain medication only works a little and apparently, I'm allergic to vicodin. Here's a picture of what my knee looks like.

Enlightenment

I've been doing a lot of thinking today. That usually gets me in trouble but I feel confident now. I realized that everything everyone has been saying about me has been true for the most part, much to my dismay. I have been very preoccupied with guys and I think that's because I wasn't 100% over my ex fiance. I couldn't fully let go because I felt like I was in the wrong.

Well, I'm sure as hell able to let go now. He showed his true colors and I know I deserve better than him. I just wish I'd seen it sooner but I have been working on myself so there's not much else I can do. All I know is that I'll never go back to him. He will never, ever have me again even if he does want me which I know he doesn't. I don't want him either. He's a joke and I'm so done being nice to him. He's not worth my time.

Finally moving on

I've been doing a lot of soul searching recently. I've worked through my commitment issues and other problems I had last year and I feel like I have closure with my ex fiance. I know I'm a good person and he would be lucky to have me so if he doesn't want me, then I don't know if he ever really loved me and I'm ok with that. I have closed and locked that door. I deserve better than that and he's missing out so good riddance. I feel content now.