Monday, July 25, 2011

Where's the light at the end of this tunnel?

I don't even know how long it's been since me and my ex boyfriend broke up. I feel like it's been months but I don't even think it's been two weeks. Lately, I've been so depressed. I question myself for the break up. Was there something I did that made him feel like he could treat me the way he did? What impression did I give him that made him think that talking to me like that was ok? I'm so angry. I'm angry at myself. I'm angry at him. I'm mad at the whole situation. I just want us to go back to how we were months ago, before we got engaged. I miss that so much. I've been crying for days.

A part of me wants to forgive and forget but I can't. How the hell can he think it's ok to raise his voice to me? How the hell did I fall in love with a man like that? How did I not see it coming? I wanna tell him I miss him but I can't. I shouldn't. I don't want to play with his emotions. I want all of our pain to go away but that's not easy. I lost my best friend. I feel like I don't even know him. I was so angry. I said some really bad things about him out of anger and I regret it. We can never be together again. It's breaking my heart. I just wanna stop crying.

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