My next move...

This year is going by so ridiculously fast. I'll be graduating in just over a year. I have no idea what I'm going to do next. Ashley really wants me to move to Flagstaff, AZ and move in with her. I'm considering it. I mean, there won't be anything left for me in Chico and I don't want to move back in with my parents long term. I have to see where life takes me but it's an option I'm seriously considering. I think it'd be good for me. I really miss Ashley and it'd be good for us to have some real time together. I have a lot of thinking to do.

My AHO story

I never posted about this but over the summer, I was diagnosed with Albright's Hereditary Osteodystraphy. It's a syndrome in which my DNA had a mutation and my body doesn't recognize the parathyroid hormone which has caused all sorts of problems.

So, I went back to Stanford to see Genetics again and the Endocrinologist today. The Endo. was normal, I guess. We went over my symptoms which took forever and they took blood. They said they'd send the results in 7-10 business days and we'll go from there. The geneticist was not so great though. They told me that my AHO is mild and it won't get any worse which is great. It could be a lot worse but there's nothing we can do to prevent the calcium deposits from growing. My calcium levels are normal and it's just a result of my body's inability to recognize the parathyroid hormone. We were trying to get some more information out of them but there was nothing for them to give me because the disorder is so rare. The only recommendation they did have is that I have yearly blood draws to check my levels which may help.

So, I still feel a little lost still but I guess I'll just go on living life until another calcium deposit grows too big to tolerate and then deal with that when it happens. That's all I can do. I am glad that I don't have to go back anymore though, at least for Genetics and I have a diagnosis which was the goal in the first place

5 weeks and 5 days later...

OK. I need to hit pause and rewind right now because I can not believe it hasn't even been six weeks since I lost my job.

I feel like I've been on an emotional roller coaster.That week that I lost my job was horrible. I grieved pretty badly but my friends were there to pick me back up.

I haven't been doing so well lately, especially the past couple weeks but without going into the graphic details I'll just say that I'm doing Ok now. My family and friends have been so supportive. I'm starting to think clearly which is nice.

What I need to do is figure out what the hell I'm doing with my life. I know, for sure, that I'm not going to join the military. I feel like my life is leading me down a different path. I'm not sure where that path goes but I'll figure it out. I'm going to start weighing out my options.

Right now, my best options are:

1) Graduate and move back home to Paso.

2) Move to Flagstaff, AZ after graduation and live with Ashley.

3) Move down to Fullerton if I get into Graduate School and go to CSU, Fullerton.

4) Move back east (fat chance)

Those are my best options right now but I only just started thinking about it. We'll see where life takes me.

Getting fired is never fun.

I lost my job yesterday. I can not tell you how hurt I was by this. I felt/feel betrayed. I was a loyal employee. I worked hard, was rarely late, and did my job well. They claimed that there were "performance and scheduling issues". I was so pissed off by this.

For one, I do not have performance issues. Even my co-workers thought I was a great employee. They've told me. They're all shocked by this.

Secondly, scheduling issues is a bullshit excuse. I get out of school every night at 4:45. The evening shifts don't start til 5:15 or 6. I could easily work those but I was only getting 1-2 ever since school started. If they don't want to work with students, then they shouldn't hire them.

I don't think it's fair at all. I heard they fired others but I'm not sure. I didn't do anything to deserve this and they never even spoke to me. I've never been written up or anything. It's not right but it is what it is and I'm moving on. I'm just really hurt that they would do this to me.

The worst part is that they said that I'm not a "good match". That's such bullshit. I've worked there for over a year and I'm not a good match?! Yeah. I'm so sure.

Officially a Big Sister!

That's right. I'm a Big sister now! I'm so excited.....it's not what you think though.

It's my Alpha Chi little sister, a pledge who will be a new active shortly. I'm so happy that we were paired up. I was second on her list and I was glad to pick her as my little. It's a glorious day in the Charmers family! :)

My plans....

The past few months, I have been thinking really hard about what I'm going to do with my life. I want to join the Air Force but that's not set in stone so I had to come up with alternatives that would make me happy. At first, I didn't think I would be ok doing anything else but with the help of loved ones, I came up with some pretty epic plans. See below...

Plan numero uno

• Join Air Force

Plan numero dos

• Move back to paso for a semester til I can get an apt. with Ashley down in Socal
• Apply to the Masters program
• take a year off while working at Chipotle

Plan numero tres

• Have Ashley move to Socal the semester before me and then move in with her immediately after graduation.
• Apply to the Masters program
• take a year off while working at Chipotle

Plan numero quatro

• Move back to Paso indefinitely
• Get a job as a substitute teacher
• Apply for the Masters program
• Work at Chipotle
• Live at parents until I find my own place

So, those are my plans for now. You may vote or if you have any better ideas, let me know. Thanks for reading!

Living in the now

I've always been the kind of person who focuses on the past, past regrets, memories, things I could have done better. It's time for a chance. It's hindering me. I can't let go of my ex fiance and it's hurting me so much. I've been able to forgive myself for the most part over how I went about things in that relationship. I still care for him a lot but we will never be. He doesn't want me and that's fine.

What matters is that I have grown. I have changed. He doesn't have to accept it or maybe he has and still doesn't want me. Maybe we're just not meant to be. That's fine. That just means there's someone better out there for me.

I'm going to focus on the one thing I do have the ability to change and that's my weight. I'm going to start working out more, especially now that my doctor gave me the green light to start running. I want to start running everyday or at least every other day. I also want to start eating healthier and eating smaller meals. I want to lose 15-20 lbs. I want to be 105 lbs. I'm 124 right now and I don't feel healthy. I feel beautiful but I don't feel healthy. I want to feel healthy.

This starts.....NOW.

To all my ghosts and gouls!

I'm shouting out a very ecstatic HAPPY OCTOBER 1ST! Halloween is only days away so you better put your thinking caps on and come up with some great costumes. Only 30 days left.

 

Latest update in the life of this college girl.

Hello fellow bloggers and active (or former) readers!

I have been on a hiatus because life has been oh so crazy, as usual. It's started to calm down so I'm back and better than ever. You're looking at a single gal and loving it! My seven month relationship ended in not quite a blazing glory but more like a fizzle. No big story. It just wasn't right so I moved on. Now that that's over with, we can also move on to bigger things.

Alas, I regret to inform you that my cooking endeavors ended with a screeching halt. I still can't make a pancake to save my life nor do I desire to. I'm thinking about hiring a personal chef in the near future. Stay tuned.

Hello to meeting goals though! I finally accomplished my goal of keeping a job for one WHOLE year. I know, I know. "Jessy, it's only one year. How hard can it be?" Well, let me tell you, It is very difficult but I did it. Granted, I took two months off but I have been working at Chipotle for almost 14 months so I count it.

Back to summer drama. Surgery was a pain in my butt. Took two full months to recover and then some. I even did the whole physical therapy fiasco and still waiting on the Doctor's approval to start running again. Waiting and then more waiting. It'll come one of these days.

I am also now living in a Sorority house. Look at me. I would have called you crazy if you told me a few years ago that I'd be living in the Alpha Chi house. I am not usually friends with girls but it's going pretty nicely. There's only been a few bumps in the road but no casualties....yet.

I will be posting more now as times go on. Tomorrow, I have two midterms so keep your fingers crossed for this independent woman. I need all the good lucks I can get.

Becoming the next Iron Chef

I have decided to learn how to cook.

If you know at all, you will know that this is not something I am going to do gracefully.

I don't have a single bone in my body meant for cooking. It's not my thing which is funny since I wanted to be a chef in High School. I know, weird. Don't judge.

I feel you judging. Stop it. OK, moving on....

I may or may not have promised my boyfriend that I would learn how to cook for him. My eyes are rolling in the back of my head. This is how much I love him. I'll do something I absolutely despise to make him happy. Puke.

Today was my first attempt. ok, so this wasn't exactly cooking. It was baking but I didn't know that until the venture was over and done with. Can I roll my eyes again??

I made cinnamon rolls! Insert confetti throwing here.

Here's the proof.

Starting on the road to recovery

Wednesday was the day. The 30th of May at 9:50 am. It was at Stanford Medical with some of the best doctors in the country. They were able to remove the calcium deposits in my foot and they removed a lot of calcium in my knee. The one in my knee was almost two inches long. Recovery is going to be hard. Pain medication only works a little and apparently, I'm allergic to vicodin. Here's a picture of what my knee looks like.

Enlightenment

I've been doing a lot of thinking today. That usually gets me in trouble but I feel confident now. I realized that everything everyone has been saying about me has been true for the most part, much to my dismay. I have been very preoccupied with guys and I think that's because I wasn't 100% over my ex fiance. I couldn't fully let go because I felt like I was in the wrong.

Well, I'm sure as hell able to let go now. He showed his true colors and I know I deserve better than him. I just wish I'd seen it sooner but I have been working on myself so there's not much else I can do. All I know is that I'll never go back to him. He will never, ever have me again even if he does want me which I know he doesn't. I don't want him either. He's a joke and I'm so done being nice to him. He's not worth my time.

Finally moving on

I've been doing a lot of soul searching recently. I've worked through my commitment issues and other problems I had last year and I feel like I have closure with my ex fiance. I know I'm a good person and he would be lucky to have me so if he doesn't want me, then I don't know if he ever really loved me and I'm ok with that. I have closed and locked that door. I deserve better than that and he's missing out so good riddance. I feel content now.

Trust your instincts

I broke up with Michael today. I feel guilty only because I don't feel bad about it. I don't think we were right for each other. It was fun while it lasted but I know that we can find someone more fulfilling in our lives. Moving on!

30 days

My surgery is on May 30th and then I'll be away from Michael for two months. I'm kinda freaking out. I know I need this surgery but I'm so nervous to be gone from him for that long. I don't remember how to do long distance. It's only 8 week. It's only 8 weeks. It's only 8 weeks.

:(

4/25/2012

So much has been going on lately. I have just over a month left til I have surgery so I need to start packing. I'll be moving immediately into the Alpha Chi house in August so I have to pack up all my stuff. Fun stuff, right?!

I've been thinking a lot about my life right now, trying to figure out my goals. I have to focus on my faith, health, fitness, my relationships, school, work, Alpha Chi, and my education. Seems like a lot. I'm doing well in school. I think I can get past this semester with everything above C's. I need to start going back to church as well and praying more. I need God to lead me down the path I'm meant to go on.

I've been thinking about my ex a lot lately too. Yesterday was one year since he proposed and it was a really hard day for me. I was upset the entire day. I'm still with Michael and that makes me feel guilty. I'm not sure I see a future with him and I thought I was over Rich but maybe I'm not completely. That's tough to admit. I think it'd be easier if I could move on from my ex-fiance and just focus on the here and now but he still holds a piece of my heart. Maybe he always will.

I'm also focusing on work. I've been getting way more hours than I usually do. I have to work tomorrow night and then I'm driving down to my parent's house for my appointment. So not looking forward to that.

My co-worker moved into my apartment! Her name's Alyssa and she is so awesome. I love her. She hooked us up with internet and cable again. Woot! That's about it for now. More to come later.

Frustrations from my many health issues

I wish the doctors would just figure out what's wrong with me already. I've been really sensitive lately and I think it's from the stress. I hurt my foot the other day and I don't know how. I think it's the tendon but I've been RICEing it and it's gotten a little better but not much. It still hurts to bend it sometimes.

I'm also still not ovulating and I have to have a copolscopy soon. I'm really stressed about that.

My surgery for my foot and knee are in a month and a half and I'm really scared. I've gonna be on bed rest for 6-8 weeks. I'm nervous I'm gonna lose my job. I'm nervous about being apart from my boyfriend for that long. I'm just scared in general. I just want them to figure out what's wrong with me.

Updates!

It's been a while since I've updated. I need to do that on the regular. First off, I am officially an ALPHA CHI girl. I was initiated last weekend! It was awesome. I love the girls and being in a sorority.

Secondly, me and Michael were having some problems. I took some advice and we took a break but it ended up not working for me so we got back together. We're blissfully happy and I can't wait to see what's in store for us.

Lastly, We have decided that in order to save money and get healthier, I am going to learn how to cook! EEK! I have no idea where to start. I don't know anything about cooking or anything that has to do with it. This should be interesting haha!

Alpha Chi!

This is totally out of the ordinary and I feel so strange doing this but I'm excited, I'm joining a sorority! I've been super duper busy and I haven't been able to post about it but I'm finally getting to it. I rushed for Alpha Chi a few weeks ago and we're ending our second week of pledging this sunday. It's REALLY time consuming but I love the girls I'm pledging with. They're all really fun and outgoing.

We originally started out with 20 girls but now we're down to 13 after adding two new girls.

We're the Alpha Chi pledge class of 2012!

A new chapter!

New events have occured and I've been keeping it very hush hush, mostly for good luck, but I'm ready to tell everyone. I'm in a new relationship! His name is Michael and we work together. We met in August, started hanging out three weeks ago, and hit it off right away. He makes me very happy (most of the time LOL). We started dating on Feb. 3rd so here's to a new page being turned :)

 

I will wait for you

Lent 2012

It's coming up fast. It starts on feb. 22nd and ends on Easter, April 5th. I am going to try and make it to mass everyday and I'll be blogging about my experience.

Day 1- Yesterday was Ash Wednesday so today was the first day of Lent and I made it to mass! I had to wake up hella early (6:30 am!) but I made it to the 8 am mass at Our Divine Savior Catholic Church. It was a really nice church but there was only old people there. Kinda strange. Literally, I was the only person under 50 in the room O.o

I am feeling a million times better!

This week has been very enlightening. I decided after being upset for a couple days that I don't want to cry anymore. I want to move on and I've finally let go. I'm very happy and I'm doing things on my own just like I have been. I've devoting this time to myself. I did meet someone but we're just friends. We work together so nothing is gonna be happening. I do have a little crush on him though. We'll see what happens in the future!

What do you do then?

All I want is to be with him and I can't be. It's all my fault. I can't stop loving him. I've tried. I've tried everything: focusing on me, trying to be with other guys, blaming him, even hating him...nothing helps. I know what he did was wrong but was it unforgiveable? I don't know anymore. Maybe I pushed him away and that's why he stopped loving me. I don't really blame him. I probably would have given up too.

This is how I feel:

Six months and 8 days later

That's the length of time it's been since me and my ex fiance broke up. It has been anything but an easy journey. I've gone on a roller coaster of emotions from loving him, hating him, missing him, wanting to hurt him, to loving him. I do still love him. I think he thinks I played with his emotions during the months we were broken up though. I wanted to compromise and be with him but I needed him to make an effort and he wouldn't. I couldn't bring myself to be what he needed.

I'm still grieving the relationship. I had a really hard time for a while. I started becoming depressed and I even cut myself once but I sought help and went into therapy at school. I saw a therapist every week for a couple months and it helped a lot. I still miss him but I'm doing ok on my own most days.

Sometimes, I don't understand how he could have moved on so fast. It was like he didn't love me anymore even a couple months after the break up. He didn't try to fight for me. He didn't try to make it work. That's not love. I don't think he even knows what love is. It's heart breaking.

I wonder what he would say if he could read this now? Would he even care? Hmm...It doesn't matter. He's made it clear that he's over me. He even deleted me on facebook. He must think so low of me that he doesn't want me in his life at all. Am I really that bad of a person? I really don't understand. Maybe I never will......