Where's the light at the end of this tunnel?

I don't even know how long it's been since me and my ex boyfriend broke up. I feel like it's been months but I don't even think it's been two weeks. Lately, I've been so depressed. I question myself for the break up. Was there something I did that made him feel like he could treat me the way he did? What impression did I give him that made him think that talking to me like that was ok? I'm so angry. I'm angry at myself. I'm angry at him. I'm mad at the whole situation. I just want us to go back to how we were months ago, before we got engaged. I miss that so much. I've been crying for days.

A part of me wants to forgive and forget but I can't. How the hell can he think it's ok to raise his voice to me? How the hell did I fall in love with a man like that? How did I not see it coming? I wanna tell him I miss him but I can't. I shouldn't. I don't want to play with his emotions. I want all of our pain to go away but that's not easy. I lost my best friend. I feel like I don't even know him. I was so angry. I said some really bad things about him out of anger and I regret it. We can never be together again. It's breaking my heart. I just wanna stop crying.

Finding myself single again.

Me and my ex boyfriend broke up three days ago. Well, I broke up with him. We broke off the engagement around the 1st. I can't remember the exact date. So much has been running through my mind since I left him. I miss him but I really don't see how things could work out between us. I love him though. It's so confusing. We still talk sometimes but maybe we shouldn't. I should just focus on myself. I really need to focus on myself. I have so much growing to do. I have so much to learn and I'm gonna be moving for school soon. We just need to move on with our lives.

The 5,000 Question Challenge Part Two

101. What does happiness/joy feel like physically? contentment and stability

102. Live five people you love starting with the one you love the absolute most
A. My mom
B. My dad
C. My sister
D. My fiance, Richard
E. My papa

103. How many movies have you gone to see this month? none

104. If you could have 3 wishes...but none of them could be for yourself, what would you wish for?
I wish that my mom wouldn't be in pain anymore.
I wish that all my sister's dreams would come true.
I wish I could restore my Dad's roadrunner for him.

105. In what ways do you relax and de-stress when you are really tense? Pray, play or listen to music, I blog, go on MSOS.

106. How much money would it take to get you to drive to school naked in the springtime and get out of the car? A LOT.

107. Have you ever killed an animal? NO
108. Have you ever lost someone close to you? Yeah, lots of friends and family.


109. What do you think of cloning? It's itneresting but not a good idea.

110. Do you read or watch TV more often? Not really.

111. With all this talk of terrorism going around are you willing to sacrifice rights and freedoms for increased safety? Yeah, I would love to join the military.

112. What is the punishment you would come up with for Osama Bin Laden if you caught him alive? I can't. He's dead.

113. Have you ever named an individual part of your body? Haha, no.

114. Have you ever been on the radio or on TV? I've been on the radio once.

115. Have you ever won a lottery, or sweepstakes? Nope. I wish!

116. Have you ever won a contest or competition? I don't think so.

117. Do you like to watch The Joy of Painting show with Bob Ross (check out this link if you don't know who he is. Also please note me if you notice the link is broken) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bob_Ross_(painter)? No, I've never even heard of it.

118. Do you know what your grandparents and your great grand parents did for a living? My Papa was a truck driver and my G-pa was a firefighter.

119. Is there anything really interesting in your family history?

120. Is there anyone you trust completely?

121. Have you ever lost someone without having the chance to say goodbye?

122. How do you feel about women in politics?

123. Would you rather have an indoor Jacuzzi or an outdoor pool?

124. What things are you interested in that you study or read about on your own?

125. Would you consider yourself to be intelligent?

126. Would you consider yourself to be wise?

127. Have you ever given or received a lap dance?

128. Have you ever spoken to a homeless person?

129. Would you ever creep into the subway tunnels to go exploring?

130. If you could add 70 years to your life but only by making some random person die 70 years sooner would you?

131. Can you finish any of the following lyrics?

A: Nothing to kill or die for...

B: Late comings with the late comin' stretcher...

C: I could make a film and make you my star...

132. Were you ever with someone while they died?

133. Would you rather be a world political leader or a rock star?

134. Have you ever given someone a love letter that you wrote?

135. Have you ever sent someone a surprise though the mail?

136. Are you looking forward to any concerts right now?

137. Of all animated movies, which is the best one you've ever seen?

138. What are the best bands or songs to listen to while driving?

139. What do you think is the most amazing thing that anyone has ever accomplished?

140. What could a member of the opposite sex do to impress you?

141. About how many emails do you get a day?

How many of those emails are junk mail?

How many of them are forwards?

142. What's your favorite thing to do online besides write in your diary and hang out at this site?

143. Do you believe Kurt Cobain (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kurt_Cobain) killed himself or was it a conspiracy?

144. Have you ever though about hitchhiking across the country?

145. Who would you bring with you on this kind of a road trip?

146. Of the following, which word best describes you: accurate, bold,

charming, dependable

147. If you are single, at about what age do you think you will be ready to settle down and get married? If you are married, how old were you at the time?

148. Do you often wonder, when you say goodbye to people, if it is the last time you will ever see them?

149. What movie are you most looking forward to seeing when it comes out?

150. What is your quest?

151. What is louder and more annoying: 200 adults talking or one four-year-old screaming?
152. Do you believe the stories about planes, boats and people mysteriously disappearing into the Bermuda triangle?

153. Who are you the most jealous of?

154. What is the happiest way you can start your day?

155. Do you ever have moments where you feel like everything is all right in the world?

156. Who thinks that you are offensive?

157. If you had to teach a class in something, what would you be able to teach people?

158. Have you ever had a spiritual experience (an experience that cannot be explained by science)?

159. Do you believe that this experience was truly mystical or do you think there is some scientific explanation for it, only you don't know what it is?

160. Do you get offended easily?

161. Would you still love and stay with your signifigant other if he or she had to have a breast or testicle removed?

162. Do you believe in fate or free will?

163. Do you believe that only boring people get bored?

164. Can life change or are we all stuck in vain?

165. What changes are you afraid of?

166. Are you a day person or nocturnal?

167. What one CD could you listen to for an entire week (no mixed CD’s, it must be an album)?

168. Which is worse, working in retail, food service, or an office?

169. What's the coolest job you ever had?

170. What is one central idea that your thoughts seem to come back to?

171. Have you ever wanted to be an actor/tress?

172. If you had the power to control one person and make this person do anything you wanted for a whole day, who would you pick and what would they do?

173. What star sign are you and what is your sign like?

174. Did the Blair Witch Project scare you?

175. Are you in constant fear of death?

176. Does fear of death keep you from building a life?

177. Do you like all your movies to be in wide-screen?

178. Are you a fan of any comic books?

179. At what age did you attend your first funeral?

180. What do you smell like (lotion, cologne, sweat)?

181. What are your greatest sources for wisdom?

182. When you were little, where did your parents tell you babies come from?

183. What is your favorite band?

184. What's the best cheesy 80's song?

185. What's the best kind of movie to see on a date?

186. Do you like to sit in the front, middle or back of the Movie Theater?

187. Have you ever been inside an abandoned building?

188. Under what circumstances would you agree to work for free?

189. Candles or strobe lights?

190. Do you think the Lord of the Rings movies are true to the books or did Hollywood change the story too much?

191. When you see a stranger on the street does your first reaction lean towards thinking of this person as a potential friend or as a potential threat?

192. Is it natural for human beings to fear and distrust each other, or is it cultural?

193. What do you really want to buy?

194. You have to choose. Would you be happier marrying someone rich for their money or living in the streets and subway tunnels with someone you love?

195. If someone wanted to understand you what book could they read that would help?

196. Do you think it’s odd that Americans have freedom of religion and yet call themselves 'one nation under god'?

197. In what sense are you a minority?

198. Are you anti social?

199. Do you photograph well?

200. Do you think that human beings would survivor through a nuclear winter?

My wedding plans so far!

As newly engaged, I have so many emotions and thoughts running through my head. I'm ecstatic to be engaged. I'm so in love with my fiance and I can't wait to be his wife. At the same time, I miss him so much and I'm saddened that I have to be so far from my love. My fiance and I have been long distance since we started dating last July and we're six hours apart now. We've had our ups and downs, and it's been quite a journey. We've been through a deployment for seven months while he was in Japan and I know if we can make it through that, we can make it through anything life throws at us. We're going to be long distance for another year as I go away to California State University, Chico to work on my Bachelor's of Social Work Degree. We'll be twelve hours from one another once I move. I plan on transferring to CSU San Diego next year so I can live with my soon-to-be husband though.

Our goal is to be married early June of 2012. We haven't picked a set date yet but I'm constantly thinking of that. I have a few details of the wedding that I've thought of. My colors are blush, cream, silver, and gun metal and the style is elegant, romantic, and classic. I'm pretty traditional but there will defiantely be some out of the ordinary at the reception too. I want a candy bar instead of the traditional wedding favors and possibly a photobooth as well! We're having a Catholic ceremony. I was born and raised Catholic. I do not have a home church right now so I'll be looking around to find a church I'm happy with. Right now, we're thinking the wedding and reception will be in Paso Robles, Ca. I'll be posting as we go on our journey as future man and wife. I won't keep you in suspense for too long!

Here is my wedding website. Go ahead, take a look!
http://www.theknot.com/ourwedding/RichardStephens&JessicaSmith

I'm officially the future Mrs. Stephens

On April 24, 2011, Easter to be exact, my boyfriend asked me to marry him! In front of my friends and family, he got down on one knee and asked me to be his wife <3 I, of course, said YES so now we're engaged and planning our wedding. We haven't picked a date yet but we're looking at June 2012.

50 Questions that will free your mind

1. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are? I would be ageless. 
2. Which is worse, failing or never trying? never trying.
3. If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do? Because we have expectations from society that we should uphold.
4. When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done? I hope not. I hope I live my life to the fullest.
5. What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world? Anything. I just hope I die leaving loved ones and memories behind.
6. If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich? The military!
7. Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing? I'm settling because I'm in school.
8. If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently? I would probably have a family by now.
9. To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken? I think probably about 50%.
10. Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things? Doing the right things. 
11. You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire.  They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend.  The criticism is distasteful and unjustified.  What do you do? I'm not sure actually. I hope I would speak up.
12. If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be? Follow your heart and don't take anyone's criticism too close to heart. Even your parents can be wrong.
13. Would you break the law to save a loved one? I like to think so.
14. Have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity? Sort of. I might have thought the idea was strange but not insane.
15. What’s something you know you do differently than most people? I say the word pillow funny.
16. How come the things that make you happy don’t make everyone happy? Everyone is different.
17. What one thing have you not done that you really want to do?  What’s holding you back? I really wanna go backpacking. Money is an issue.
18. Are you holding onto something you need to let go of? Yes! I'm working on letting it go though.
19. If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why? I would love to live in England, Ireland, or Australia.
20. Do you push the elevator button more than once?  Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster? Yes lol but it doesn't make the elevator go faster.
21. Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton? A joyful simpleton.
22. Why are you, you? I was born this way ;)
23. Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend? Not always but I always try.
24. Which is worse, when a good friend moves away, or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you? When a good friend moves away.
25. What are you most grateful for? My family.
26. Would you rather lose all of your old memories, or never be able to make new ones? That is a very good question. I think I'd be more scared to lose my old memories.
27. Is it possible to know the truth without challenging it first? Yes. Sometimes, faith is all you need.
28. Has your greatest fear ever come true? Yeah. I'm terrified of losing loved ones and I've had a lot of people pass away.
29. Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset?  Does it really matter now? Only Cody's death. That still matters.
30. What is your happiest childhood memory?  What makes it so special? Working on the car with my Dad. It was our time and we don't have much of that anymore.
31. At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive? I honestly don't remember the last time I felt very passionate and alive. I need to find that spark again.
32. If not now, then when? I don't know.
33. If you haven’t achieved it yet, what do you have to lose? That's a good question.
34. Have you ever been with someone, said nothing, and walked away feeling like you just had the best conversation ever? umm no?
35. Why do religions that support love cause so many wars? People think they know what's best for everyone and will die fighting for their cause. It's pretty ridiculous actually.
36. Is it possible to know, without a doubt, what is good and what is evil? Not exactly. Morality is subjective and circumstantial.
37. If you just won a million dollars, would you quit your job? No. I love my job. Plus, that money will run out eventually.
38. Would you rather have less work to do, or more work you actually enjoy doing? more work I enjoy doing.
39. Do you feel like you’ve lived this day a hundred times before? Yes and it's really getting old.
40. When was the last time you marched into the dark with only the soft glow of an idea you strongly believed in? umm what? I don't march into the dark lol
41. If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today? My parents.
42. Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous? Nope.
43. What is the difference between being alive and truly living? Truly living is living your life to the best of your ability, chasing your dreams, and hopefully having someone to share it with.
44. When is it time to stop calculating risk and rewards, and just go ahead and do what you know is right? I think when your heart is really set on something, you should throw caution to the wind.
45. If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake? Because no one wants to live or die with regrets.
46. What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you? Honestly, if I knew no one would judge me, I would drop out of school and move down south somewhere.
47. When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing? Right now lol
48. What do you love?  Have any of your recent actions openly expressed this love? My family and snowboarding. I also still love a certain someone but that'll never change. Just gotta get over it.
49. In 5 years from now, will you remember what you did yesterday?  What about the day before that?  Or the day before that? Nope. I do the same shit every day. Go to school, go to work, do sorority stuff. I'm getting over it all.
50. Decisions are being made right now.  The question is:  Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for you? I hope I'm making them for myself. I know my decisions will better my life but I'm not happy.

Learn my Love Language

For Wives

7 Words of Affirmation
8 Quality Time
3 Receiving gifts
5 Acts of Service
7 Physical Touch

For Singles



7 Words of Affirmation
10 Quality Time
4 Receiving gifts
8 Acts of Service
1 Physical Touch


Words of Affirmation
Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.

Quality Time
In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there–with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby–makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.

Receiving Gifts
Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.

Acts of Service
Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.

Physical Touch
This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.

The 5,000 Question Challenge Part One

Part one
1. Who are you? 

This is a tricky question. There are many answers to this. All I can really answer is that I am me. I can be no one else and I would never wish to be.

2. What are the 3 most important things everyone should know about you?

1. I like being short but I hate short jokes.

2. I'm very open minded but opinionated.

3. I am not easily offended.

3. When you aren't filling out 5,000 question surveys like this one what are you doing?
I go to school, I work, I spend time with my family, or I spend as much time as possible with my boyfriend.

4. List your classes in school from the ones you like the most to the ones you like the least (or if you are out of school, think of the classes you did like and didn't like at the time).

P.E.

Music

English

Science

Math

5. What is your biggest goal for this year?

Get my own place


6. Where do you want to be in 5 years?

Married, living with my husband, going to school or graduated, and starting our life together.


7. What stage of life are you in right now?

I am a young adult, soon to be 23 years ago, soon to be engaged, and soaking up all life has to offer.


8. Are you more child-like or childish?
Child-like

9. What is the last thing you said out loud?

Can I have a piece of bacon?


10. What song comes closest to how you feel about your life right now?

When you're gone by Avril Lavigne


11. Have you ever taken martial arts classes?

No, but I would love to.


12. Does your life tend to get better or worse or does it just stay the same?

It varies. Lately it seems to keep getting better.


13. Does time really heal all wounds?

Yes.


14. How do you handle a rainy day?

I enjoy it by staying in and relaxing or getting house work done.


15. Which is worse...losing your luggage or having to sort out tangled holiday lights?
losing your luggage.

16. How is your relationship with your parents?
rocky.

Will you miss them when they are gone?

Yes.


17. Do you tend to be aware of what is going on around you?
Fairly. It depends on what's going on.


18. What is the truest thing that you know?
People do not change unless they really want to.


19. What did you want to be when you grew up?
a dentist and then an orca trainer.


20. Have you ever been given a second chance?
Yes, by the love of my life.


21. Are you more of a giver or a taker?
I like to think I'm a giver.

       22. Do you make your decisions with an open heart/mind?
       Yes. I listen to my gut when making decisions.
       

23. What is the most physically painful thing that has ever happened to you?

My kidney infection.

24. What is the most emotionally painful thing that has ever happened to you?

The moment I found out my best friend committed suicide.

25. Who have you hugged today?

No one. That's sad.

26. Who has done something today to show they care about you?

My boyfriend when he told me he loves me.

27. Do you have a lot to learn?

Yes. everyday I have something to learn.

28. If you could learn how to do three things just by wishing and not by working what would they be?

A Statistics

B Spanish

C Fashion Design

29. Which do you remember the longest: what other people say, what other people do or how other people make you feel?

How other people make me feel.

30. What are the key ingredients to having a good relationship?

Trust, honesty, compatibility

31. What 3 things do you want to do before you die?

A Get married

B Have children

C Rebuild my roadrunner

32. What three things would you want to die to avoid doing?

A murdering someone

B

C

33. Is there a cause you believe in more than any other cause?  Suicide Prevention

34. What does each decade make you think of:

The 19.. carriages, beginning of real civilization, men rules, women obeyed

20's: flappers and raging parties, lots of money

30's: The Great Depression

40's: hitlet, swing dancing, WWII, women in the work force

50's: Bettie Page

60's:

70's: Drugs

80's:

90's: Technology

2000 (so far): War

2010's:

35. Which decade do you feel the most special connection to and why?
The 90's because it was innocent and I did a lot of growing up and had a lot of fun as a kid.

36. What is your favorite oldie/classic rock song?
Don't stop believin' by Journey

37. What country do you live in and who is the leader of that country?
The USA and it's President Obama.

If you could say any sentence to the current leader of your country what would it be?
You suck at life.

38. What's your favorite TV channel to watch in the middle of the night?
TLC

39. What Disney villain are you the most like and why?
Probably the Queen of Hearts from Alice in Wonderland because I can be a little demanding at times lol

40. Have you ever been a girl scout/boy scout?
Yep. I was a girl scout for a couple years 

41. If you were traveling to another continent would you rather fly or take a boat?
Definately fly. I love flying

42. Why is the sky blue during the day and black at night?
It's blue during the day because of the light particles. The color blue is an ion that is in the atmosphere and it is the most easily scattered. It's black at night because there's no light.

43. What does your name mean?
God's grace 

44. Would you rather explore the deeps of the ocean or outer space?
probably outer space

45. Word association

What is the first word that comes to mind when you see the word:

Air: blue ions

Meat: chicken

Different: kinds of meat

Pink: flowers

Deserve: dessert

White: snow

Elvis: Presley

Magic: cards

Heart: Queen of hearts

Clash: crash

Pulp: orange juice

46. If you could meet any person in the world who is dead who would you want it to be?
My grandpa

47. What if you could meet anyone who is alive?
Kate Middleton

48. Is there a movie that you love so much you could watch it everyday?
nope

49. You are going to be stuck alone in an elevator for a week. What do you bring to do?
Other than food, I'd bring my computer

50. Have you ever saved someone's life or had your life saved?
No

51. Make up a definition for the following silly words...

Fruitgoogle: a internet search engine for fruit

Ambytime: a synonym for nap time

Asscactus: another term for someone being a pain in the ass lol

52. What was the last thing you made with your own hands?
a turkey wrap

53. What was your favorite toy as a child?
My barbie hotel

54. How many TV’s are in your house?
four

55. What is your favorite thing to do outside?
camping

56. How do you feel when you see a rainbow?
amazed

57. Have you ever dreamt a dream that came true?
yes. It's happened often.

58. Have you ever been to a psychic/tarot reader?
yep. a couple times.

59. What is your idea of paradise?
white sandy beach, a drink, and my fiance.

60. Do you believe in god and if so what is he/she/it like?
Yes. He's forgiving and gives unconditional love. We can not even fathom how amazing he is.

61. Do you believe in Hell?
yes.

62. What one thing have you done that most people haven't?
Had a friend die from suicide in high school

63. What is the kindest thing you have ever done?
Let my ex bff live with me for free

64. Are you a patient person?
Now I am.

65. What holiday should exist but doesn't?
National children appreciation day or Body Modification Day

66. What holiday shouldn't exist but does?
St. Patricks Day

67. What's the best joke you ever heard?
I have no clue....You tell me one.

68. Where is the most fun place you have EVER been?
Disneyland lol

69. Is your hair natural or dyed?
all natural

70. Do you have any deep dark secrets or are you pretty much up front?
I have secrets but only a couple

71. What is under your bed right now?
boxes and magazines

72. If you were in the Land of Oz would you want to live there or go home?
I'd want to live there

73. If you drive do you frequently speed?
Not anymore. I don't need any more speeding tickets.

74. What is the world's best song to dance to?
Most songs.

75. What song was on the last time you danced with someone?
Amazed by Lonestar

76. Do you prefer Disney or Warner Brothers?
Disney for sure

77. What is the first animal you would run to see if you went to the zoo?
The leopard

78. Would you consider yourself to be romantic?
very

79. If the earth stopped rotating would we all fly off?
no, there's gravity

80. What is the one thing that you love to do so much that you would make sacrifices to be able to do it?
Be with my fiance and snowboard

81. If you (and everyone) had to lose one right or freedom, but you could pick which one everyone had to lose, what would you pick?
I have no idea. I don't think I could choose. ahh, that's scary.

82. If you had to choose would you live on the equator or at the North Pole?
definatel on the equator 

83. Would you rather give up listening to music or watching television?
watching tv

84. What do you think makes someone a hero?
Bravery and sacrafice

85. What cartoon would you like to be a character in?
The rollie pollie ollie's lol

86. Name one thing that turns your stomach:
Spiders. gross.

87. What was the last thing you paid for?
Red Bull.

88. Are you a coupon clipper?
No, but I should start.

89. Get anything good in the mail recently?
A car insurance bill. le sigh.

90. Which would you rather take as a gym class...dancing, sailing, karate, or bowling?
dancing

91. In Star Trek people 'beam' back and forth between different places. What this means is they stand in a little tube and their molecules are deconstructed and sent to another tube somewhere else where they are reassembled. Only problem is when the molecules are deconstructed the person is dead. When they are put back together it is only a clone that has all the dead person's memories. So...

Is the person who gets beamed the same person on both ends? I say no because he's a clone but I dunno

92. What insects are you afraid of?
SPIDERS AHHHHH

93. If you could print any phrase on a T-shirt, what would it say?
Love

94. What's the most eccentric thing you have ever worn?
My prom dress lol it was bright green

95. If you could pick one food that you could eat all you wanted but it would have no effect on how much you weigh, what food would it be?
Chocolate!!

96. What are your parents interested in?
Conservatism

97. Have you ever caught an insect and kept it as a pet?
Ew. No.

Have you ever caught and tamed a wild animal?
lol what? no

98. What is more helpful to you, wishes or plans?
definately plans

99. When do you feel your life energy the strongest?
an hour or two after I wake up

100. You are spending the night alone in the woods and may bring only 3 items with you. What do you bring?
a gun, a flashlight, and my cell phone.

101 Goals in 1001 Days

Starting today, I am going to work on accomplishing 101 goals over the next two and a half years, 1001 days to be exact. Copied from http://sarahzipperer.blogspot.com/p/101-in-1001.html

Start Date: March 8, 2011

End Date: December 3, 2013

The Mission: Complete 101 preset tasks in a period of 1001 days.

The Criteria: Tasks must be specific (ie. no ambiguity in the wording) with a result that is either measurable or clearly defined. Tasks must also be realistic and stretching (ie. represent some amount of work on my part).

Why 1001 Days? Many people have created lists in the past — frequently simple goals such as new year’s resolutions. The key to beating procrastination is to set a deadline that is realistic. 1001 Days (about 2.75 years) is a better period of time than a year, because it allows you several seasons to complete the tasks, which is better for organizing and timing some tasks such as overseas trips or outdoor activities.

My 101 Goals

Haven't started

In Progress

Completed

Relationships

1. Get married

2. Throw a surprise party for a loved one

3. Kiss at the top of the Paris Hotel in Las Vegas, NV.

4. Kiss in the rain

5. Make a new friend (Shaylee)

6. Learn my love language (3/18/11) My love language

7. Make Rich breakfast in bed

8. Call Papa once a month for one year (0/12 months completed)

9. Do something special for Rich for no reason at all

Faith

10. Become a confirmation teacher

11. Complete my Lenten challenge three times (0/3 completed)

12. Read the bible for 101 days (2/101 days completed)

13. Go to church every sunday for a month (0/4 times completed)

14. Go to reconciliation once a month for a year (0/12 times completed)

Finances

15. Get a job and keep it for one year (12/12 months completed)
16. Save a dollar everyday for one year (0/365 days completed)

17. Learn how to use my bank log

18. Save $3,000 for emergency fund (0/$3,000 saved)

19. Get a promotion

20. Save at least $10 a month (0/$330 saved)

Service/Charity

21. Donate blood 10 times (0/10 completed)

22. Donate 500,000 grains of rice to freerice.com (5,890/500,000 grains donated)

23. Write my adopted soldier for 31 consecutive days (0/31 days completed)

24. Volunteer at the homeless shelter

25. Volunteer at a soup kitchen

26. Donate $1,000 to charity (0/$1,000 donated)

27. Adopt a Pet (My kitten, Nimbus)

28. Adopt two soldiers (0/2 adopted)

29. Donate $5 for every unmet goal

30. Leave a 100% tip

31. Volunteer for 101 hours (36/101 hours completed)

32. Put money in ten expired meters (0/10 completed)

Travel

33. Visit Ashley in Washington

34. Visit the Grand Canyon

35. Visit Niagra Falls

36. Study Abroad

37. Go to havasu

38. Visit the Museum of Science

39. Spend the night on the street on New Years Eve and watch the Rose Parade

40. Visit the Boston Library

41. Go to New York, NY for New Years Eve

Knowledge

42. Complete the "50 questions that will free your mind" questionnaire (10/4/2012)

43. Get a 3.5 in College

44. Get a 4.0 for Spring 2011

45. Get into a University

46. Learn to play the piano

47. Learn to play the guitar

48. Become fluent in spanish

49. Earn a scholarship

50. Learn the 50 states (1/50 learned)

51. Take the 5,000 question survey (100/5,000 questions answered) (started 3/17/2011) 5,000 question survey

52. Do the A-Z author challenge

Health/Fitness

53. Get down to 105 lbs. and keep it off

54. Go vegetarian for 31 days (0/31 days completed)

55. Go on a seven day hiking trip

56. Do 100 crunches for 14 consecutive days (0/14 days completed)

57. Join a soccer team

58. Do the 100 push up challenge

59. Run 3 miles in under 30 minutes

60. Lower BMI to 21

61. Give up alcohol for 101 consecutive days (0/101 days completed)

62. No food fast for one week (7/7 days completed)

Crafts

63. Learn how to scrapbook

64. Make a dress from scratch

65. Make a quilt

66. Build something

Fun

67. Join band again (Spring 2012) 

68. Catch a fish  (Summer 2012)

69. Plant a tree

70. Get a tattoo

71. Go skydiving

72. Make a wish at 11:11 on Nov. 11, 2011 (I wished for something I wish I didn't wish for )

73. Jump off a pier

74. Go white water rafting

75. Go Geocaching

76. Go on a cruise

77. Take a dance class (Ballroom dancing)
78. Have a passion party

79. Go to the Opera

80. Go on a picnic

81. Do karaoke

82. Watch Casablanca

83. Learn to horse back ride

84. Go to a professional sporting event

85. Chop off my hair

86. Learn to ski

87. Go shooting three times (1/3 completed) (Started 04/27/2011)

88. Learn to ride a motorcycle

89. Finish a crossward puzzle

90. Redecorate my room (Fall 2012)

91. Take a pole dancing class

92. Host a dinner party

93. Go skinny dipping

94. Do the 365 picture challenge

95. Get a new piercing

96. Learn how to cook

97. Dye my hair (Black Cherry)
98. Sleep under the stars

99. Buy something from Etsy

100. Go tent camping (Kern River, Summer 2012) 

101. Take singing lessons

The story of how we came to be

     I was a freshman in high school when I first met my marine in our english class. I don't remember much from way back then but we remained friends through four years of my high school days. He was the one I would stop and talk to every day. I saw him all the time. I didn't think of him much back then. I was caught up in my own life and he was quiet. He was a great friend though.

     I think back to those days and I remember thinking he was such a cool guy. i wish we had gotten together then. I think my life would have been a lot less trying if he had come into my life romantically earlier but who knows how we would have ended up.

     Fast forward to April 2010, four years after graduating and he adds me on facebook. I remember posting about wanting a man who had enough confidence to go after what he wants when he sees it and how when a man doesn't call, it means he doesn't want you. He replied and then when I posted about wanting friend's numbers, he gave me his. I texted him and the rest is history. We talked for a couple months and he invited me to be his date at his best friends wedding.

     That was the weekend of July 9, 2010. We started dating that weekend. At first, it was rocky. We lived six hours from each other and I, frankly, didn't know how to have a healthy relationship. He was determined to make it work and his sense of self, his love for me, and his commitment made me want to see it through. I wanted him but I was really scared and I ended up making some mistakes. He loved me anyways. He forgave me for the trouble I put us through and held onto me like I was his life line.

     I've never been loved like that. He saw through all my insecurities and saw me for who i really am. He loved me, flaws and all, and that's all I've ever wanted. We were on and off until november 2010 when I commitment myself to him for the rest of my life. He needed me to promise him i'd stick it out til at least the end of this deployment and I'm going and then continuing to do so for the rest of my life.

     He's my best friend. He's the only person I can tell anything to without judgement or criticism. He tells me how it is without making me feel bad about myself. He's taught me how to truly love. I didn't know what a healthy relationship was until him. I owe him my life for this.

     So now, almost seven months since our relationship began and I feel like the old me was a lifetime ago. I'm a better person because of him. Our deployment ends in march and I can not wait to get engaged and start my life as a faithful military wife.